Because at the moment, I have not found a therapist to help me through this trying times. You may wonder why it is hard to find a therapist. Well, my husband and I are in the coaching circuit, meaning this is the type of work we do for other people. And people know our names and who we are. Going to someone in the circuit for therapy would risk exposing my husband. And this is not how I want the world to know him.
My husband is an undiagnosed high functioning aspie. And he is a counselor and coach. He seems effective in his craft, even coaching other aspies. However, in our private world and domain, it looks like another story. It is rather sad.
At this point of our relationship (2013) we have been married for 10 years. There were a lot of frustrations and resentments and fear on both sides. And then I hit rock bottom and I became really depressed. I thought I was going through an identity crisis or mid life crisis. We separated for a year. And one year on, we came back together because everything looked different and fresh again, and so we resumed our marriage. However, our ups and downs became more apparent.
Perhaps the one year separation gave me the space and different set of eyes to see him and our relationship differently. I was happy when we resumed our marriage, but then things would spiral out of control and I fell into depression without knowing any real reason why.
I was doing some research for a client on autism and I chanced upon a blog about men with asperger's. It seemed pretty textbook, BUT then a book called 22 Things A Woman Must Know If She Loves A Man With Asperger's Syndrome caught my eye. I felt drawn to it, and so decided to buy the e-version.
I finished reading the book in less than 45 mins. I could not believe what was written in there. About 90% of the content felt like the author was talking about my husband and me and our relationship.
I didn't know to cry or to laugh. On one level I was relieved because it gave me some answers. One another level, I felt a dread. I am still learning to come to terms with this new reality.
I now realised that the depression I felt was probably "Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder" CADD.
Let me quote from the book, the author said: "I have frequently found that the women in the relationship work in the caring profession and are by nature very nurturing, caring and highly emphatic. It appears that this type of women is attracted to the seemingly child-like qualities that a man with AS will portray. This works initially in the relationship but over time, due to the neurological impact having AS will cause, the woman may start to feel her emphatic ways are not being reciprocated. She may begin to feel emotionally isolated along with a sense of loneliness, and become aware that something is missing in the relationship. If the reasons for this are not identified then the long term stress this can cause will result in what is termed "Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder" CADD. Of course, this emotional deprivation is not the intention of the AS partner. However, if AS is not recognized, then neither partner will be aware of the cause and this will often result in blaming and frustration."
This explained my depression and feeling so alone in this relationship with my husband.
I will share more in posts. If you do have any comments, please feel free to do so.
But if you are one of those who want to comment negatively, please go away. Life is challenging as it is, we don't need your negativity here.
Warmly,
Aspie's Wife
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