He is undiagnosed and I haven't told him yet I know he has aspergers

So I am in a situation where I know he's an aspie, but I haven't told him anything. I do not think he knows he is one. And I don't know if I will tell him because he will deny it and we would probably have a big row because he would say it is my narrow perspective of how I see him.

I do not think I am in a good position here. But learning to manage this without his knowledge is better at the moment than letting him in on the fact that he has Asperger's syndrome. I do think he is intelligent, and he may suspect that he's an aspie. But if I were the person telling him, he will be super defensive.

My best strateg at the moment is to let things be. And give myself time to learn and read more about this, so I learn how to manage it.

I still need a therapist. Someone to talk to about this. I know the right therapist will show. I have to be patient.

It has been a good day so far. No major meltdown or threats. Though he was quick tempered with our daughter and over reacting in several situations. I remained calm and took over the situation. 

I'd rather just be friends

Ok, so I've heard this line many times in our marriage. And he threatened this again yesterday after 'needing space' for about 3 days. I left him be, and went on with my life. It was painful though.

Yesterday he said he rather we remain as friends. I told him that he cannot just make a decision like this in his own about our marriage without first discussing it! Then he told me the reasons why he felt hurt and then accusing me of saying things I have never said about him. And I told him that. I think at that moment it dawned on him that I was speaking the truth. All the 'criticisms' he felt I said about him were in his own head. Because it was really how he felt about himself. Sigh. I felt tired. Emotionally tired to deal with things like these constantly. But I have learned that I have to be very careful and learn to have a good sense of humour about it.

By night, we are back to our usual selves. He was nice, sweet and warm again. We sat and had a drink together and just chatted. It was fun again.

Such is the emotionally roller coaster being an aspie's wife. 

Sensitivity Or Insensitivity

I have often found it odd that with most people in his life, including his parents and family and friends, he seems very sensitive to his needs. But when it comes to us, it is a different story….

"He is over sensitive about his own feelings, and too insensitive about my feelings". I've read this line over and over again in forums and in other aspie's wife's blogs. 

And sometimes my aspie's actions and words would border on cruelty. It really hurts when this happens.

Other times, he is loving and warm when he is in a good mood.

We just had a 'discussion' because we had a row the other day, this was before it hit home for me that he is an aspie. So for days, he avoided me, he said he needed space. And even his mannerism was typical aspie. As he walked past me, we made sure we would not touch, as if I had a disease. It hurt my feelings.

Anyway, we will have another discussion later tonight and hopefully it is not going to be gentle.