What really irks me is always the avoidance of taking any form of responsibility. If I were to bring an issue up, he would say it is yes and no, as a way to avoid taking any responsibility and stubbornly thinking he is right.
What happens next is that I am left to clean up the mess. Every. Single. Time.
Sunday, 28 September 2014
Saturday, 27 September 2014
Same Issues Again and Again and Again
So he left the back door open again! And left the apartment without even checking.
He has been very nice to our daughter the past few days because he is doing a workshop today on Mindful parenting. He did all the ideal stuff like piggy backing her, which he hasnt done in years. And he also took her to the beach this morning, which he has promised countless times but never done. I was so afraid he was going to let her down again today. But I guess for the sake of today's workshop, he had better fulfill his promises!
Let's see how long this 'perfect parenting' will last before he gets short with her, make empty promises and uses the F word on her again.
I am pissed because he doesn't take responsibility for his actions for the times he let her down. Its like he is playing with her feelings.
I just feel sick in my stomach.
He has been very nice to our daughter the past few days because he is doing a workshop today on Mindful parenting. He did all the ideal stuff like piggy backing her, which he hasnt done in years. And he also took her to the beach this morning, which he has promised countless times but never done. I was so afraid he was going to let her down again today. But I guess for the sake of today's workshop, he had better fulfill his promises!
Let's see how long this 'perfect parenting' will last before he gets short with her, make empty promises and uses the F word on her again.
I am pissed because he doesn't take responsibility for his actions for the times he let her down. Its like he is playing with her feelings.
I just feel sick in my stomach.
Friday, 26 September 2014
Stories Now Make More Sense
This morning I was thinking, he is taking such a long time to move out, even though he says he wants to move out. If he doesn't get out, I have to kick him out...
Which brings me to the subject of him being kicked out of the community house many years ago when I met him. He was asked to leave the community house immediately and he had no money, nothing to survive on. When he told me this story, I thought wow, why would a house of compassion lack compassion for one of their own by kicking him out.
NOW, it all makes sense! He is probably taking far too long, and living rent free in a house where he no longer wants to be a part of!
He is doing the exact same thing here in our house!
God. Now everything seems so clear.
The stories I hear obviously are from his perspective. The poor him. But of course there is the other side. Where he never gets things done on time, he procrastinates, he uses people and resources for his own gains, he doesn't see other people's point of view, he is selfish and self focused and only thinking of how it will benefit him and never about how it will affect other people. He would of course argue to say that he does, but it is all self serving.
Exactly like what is happening in our house. Months ago, he told our daughter who was 8 then that he was leaving. Was it really necessary to put a child through this? Now our daughter don't take him seriously, disrespects him and talks to him in a way that she will never to me.
I feel sick in my stomach. I feel like I've been living with lies all this time.....all of these mind blindness and his aspergers ways, it is very toxic for relationships. All kinds of relationships. Unless of course if they were long distance.
Which brings me to the subject of him being kicked out of the community house many years ago when I met him. He was asked to leave the community house immediately and he had no money, nothing to survive on. When he told me this story, I thought wow, why would a house of compassion lack compassion for one of their own by kicking him out.
NOW, it all makes sense! He is probably taking far too long, and living rent free in a house where he no longer wants to be a part of!
He is doing the exact same thing here in our house!
God. Now everything seems so clear.
The stories I hear obviously are from his perspective. The poor him. But of course there is the other side. Where he never gets things done on time, he procrastinates, he uses people and resources for his own gains, he doesn't see other people's point of view, he is selfish and self focused and only thinking of how it will benefit him and never about how it will affect other people. He would of course argue to say that he does, but it is all self serving.
Exactly like what is happening in our house. Months ago, he told our daughter who was 8 then that he was leaving. Was it really necessary to put a child through this? Now our daughter don't take him seriously, disrespects him and talks to him in a way that she will never to me.
I feel sick in my stomach. I feel like I've been living with lies all this time.....all of these mind blindness and his aspergers ways, it is very toxic for relationships. All kinds of relationships. Unless of course if they were long distance.
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
Exaspration
Its been many months of silence. I've been treading water and sometimes almost drowning. I don't know if I should save the marriage or just let him leave. I feel torn, mostly because I could do without the stresses and strains but at the same time, when things are good, they were good, and our daughter is happy and I feel that if I do not do my best in saving the marriage, I will live with regret.
In our marriage, the fact that he is an undiagnosed AS man was never taken into consideration in terms of how to handle the challenges we have as a married couple.
Saturday was a good day. First time in a long time that he was actually kind, and sweet to us. He was also joking with us a lot, in his goofy kinda way (though conventionally it is not really intelligent humour, considering he is quite an intelligent man!). And then Sunday it was all downhill, he was tired, grumpy and just not in a good space. By the end of the afternoon he was shouting his head off, and used the F word to scold our daughter. The thing is he doesn't even realise the impact it has on other people. And when I bring it up, he would play it down and thinks I am over reacting. When the reality is he is the one that over reacts big time when triggered in small ways! If he were to read this, he would say that it is just my perspective! Yes maybe. But it would be anyone's perspective, except his, if we were to say that it is an over reaction on his part to use the F word on our daughter. She is 9, not your worst enemy!
I guess I am really exasperated. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
In our marriage, the fact that he is an undiagnosed AS man was never taken into consideration in terms of how to handle the challenges we have as a married couple.
Saturday was a good day. First time in a long time that he was actually kind, and sweet to us. He was also joking with us a lot, in his goofy kinda way (though conventionally it is not really intelligent humour, considering he is quite an intelligent man!). And then Sunday it was all downhill, he was tired, grumpy and just not in a good space. By the end of the afternoon he was shouting his head off, and used the F word to scold our daughter. The thing is he doesn't even realise the impact it has on other people. And when I bring it up, he would play it down and thinks I am over reacting. When the reality is he is the one that over reacts big time when triggered in small ways! If he were to read this, he would say that it is just my perspective! Yes maybe. But it would be anyone's perspective, except his, if we were to say that it is an over reaction on his part to use the F word on our daughter. She is 9, not your worst enemy!
I guess I am really exasperated. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
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