Such Frustrations

So now that we are on our way to a divorce, he finally does something right.

He texted to say that they have arrived safely in the UK. In all the past 11 years of marriage, he has NEVER done the right thing to tell me if they have arrived safely. As a mother I am of course concerned for my daughter's well being. Even with countless reminders, he doesn't keep me posted.

And of course, now he does the right thing!

How infuriating is that?!

Gosh, I could wring his neck

Had a row. Trying to tell him that his actions and not addressing the emotional needs of our daughter is causing problems. And that he must not minimize her experience. He goes in further to minimize it and not addressing her concerns with her, and yet again he goes on to invalidate her feelings!!! When I told him that he needs help so that he can be a more effective father and if he continues to 'harm' our daughter he will not get visitation rights unless supervised. He turns it around and says I'm a bully, 

Can you believe that??? It is exasperating. I really want him out of our lives and have minimal contact as much as possible. I'm so angry now I have all kinds of names I want to call him. 

On the way to divorce now but found this sad entry in my journal...

I found this piece from my journal from many many months ago.....

Too many thoughts and feelings....

I'm married to a robot. Do I want to accept this? Can I?

I'm never going to have any emotional support from him

I'm never going to have any financial support from him

I'm never going to have a normal marriage

I'm never going to have a husband who is sweet and nice to me, who cares about me the way I want to be cared for.

I am never going to be his priority. Just as our marriage will never be a priority for him. 

He is robotic and will never know the impact of the things he says to me and what he does can hurt me

I feel cheated by God and the universe for this man in my life

I guess I am still trying to change him and trying to change our marriage to what I think it should be. I must stop or it will drive me crazy. Literally

He slept with his client

So one of the things the AS men do not have a sense of is doing the right thing socially. When we separated the first time, he slept with a client. And he also had a romantic affair with another client, there was no physical affair with this one plainly because she is married.

I confronted this married one when my hubs and I got back together the 2nd time, and she denied Nd tried to make light of things, not knowing I have read the text messages she exchanged with him. I asked her if she would show her husband the text messages exchanged she was stunned and caught off guard and hesitated. All I can say is BITCH!

I'm a single mum

It's funny how in life, you just plod along doing what you need to do, and after a while you start to think and feel it is the norm.

Today it just dawned on me that my married life is not normal, never have been. I am in truth a single parent, to a real child, and sometimes to an AS husband. 

I've often wondered why people take such a long time to finish a task. Actually the reason is because I've been so used to doing everything myself, before he took over some of the household chores, that I had to be super efficient, and super fast. My brain works fast because I need to do what I need to do. 

So the truth is I am my daughters only emotional and physical (financial and taking care of stuff) support. The AS Hubster is just there. But completely hollow. He's a shell. Present. But when things don't go his way, the shouting will start.

Yesterday my daughter told me that he doesn't like her daddy any more.

He was on a roll of being the best parent on earth, but as predicted it didn't last long. Mr Hyde is back as my daughter said. I feel sad for her. 

We continue with her therapy next week.....

My marriage in CHARTS!

Found this wonderful resource....http://faaas.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Impacts-and-Deficits-in-NT-ASD-Relationships.pdf

See the charts below by clicking on them to enlarge or download....

He Is Just A F**king Spoilt Brat

Gosh, unbelievable! He is so self centred and conceited, it is unbelievable. Behaves like a f**king spoilt brat, and doesn't know how to work as a team, and he turns around and tells me we have to work on a solution as a team. Why start now, when he has never ever been a team player for the past 11 years! Gosh. I am so angry. All he knows is talk about things, and how things can go HIS WAY!

And he keeps turning around with a 'holier than thou' attitude. It is unbelievable.

HE. NEEDS. TO. GET. OUT.

My 9 year old said to me, oh he is treating me much better these few days. I asked her if she thinks this nice behaviour will stay, she said quite emphatically, no. So I told her to enjoy it while it lasts....